The Natural Chode

Today I thought I’d share with you a recent email I got from a past student, Joe.

Hey Bren, Just wanted to write you to tell you what I got from
my training with you. It has been 3 months since, and I finally
feel like I can fully wrap my head around the entire experience.
you’ve said that a lot of pick up is just social skills and you
stressed the importance of getting out in the field. I couldn’t agree
with your more. It seems to me that 1 percent of what makes a guy
good with women can be learned from a book or video or talking to
people and the other 99 percent comes from getting out there and
pushing comfort zones and just going for it.

your simplistic approach is a good one.  we don’t need tricky things
to say or do.  just allow your natural drive to propel you and use a
few simple principles or tips to help make you more accurate in terms
of where you’re going.  and anyway, everyone has to find what works
for them.

Self-amusement is an important tip. If you’re not having fun, what the
fuck are you doing? And also, girls definitely are fun, but if you’re
depending on them for your fun you’ll have less success with them.
Self-amusement is actually applicable to most of life in general.

Boldness, super important tip.  I’ve gone over the line maybe twice
now — ass grabbing at an innapropriate time, and the girls mood
soured and it was over. BUT, that’s as bad as it’s been when I’m
trying really hard to be bold. It’s better to err on the side of being
bold.  This tip definitely worked for me. I consider your tip on
“sexual expressiveness” pretty much the same as “boldness”.

The power of not knowing was a good tip too.

I’d say if I had to distill what I learned from your bootcamp (i hate
that word by the way, “training” or something else would be better) is
this:

Approach a group thinking: “Hi, I’m Joe, I’m a man. Let’s talk about
whatever I’m about to say in the next 2 seconds.”

One thing you advised me to do which I did NOT do was to approach as
man ywomen as possible before the bootcamp so that approaching would
become more normal and I’d get more out of the bootcamp. I think that
was a great suggestion. Unfortunately, I didn’t do it.

Like most things, in the dating game, there is a technical side and an intuitive side. The technical side consisting of content and mechanics, and the intuitive side consisting of instinct and feel. The technical side being the “what” for ex- WHAT you say to start a conversation with a woman, and the intuitive side being the “how” for example HOW to say it.

3 years ago my life with women sucked and i started on my journey to become in this area of my life. and 3 years, 2,000+ approaches, and 900 hundred pages of notes later i have finally learned a sobering truth about game which is that content is irrelevant. There was a point when I sat down with my journals and went over hundreds of different experiences I have had with women. And i realized that almost every time i was thinking about the mechanics, I failed. But when i wasn’t focused on “what to do”, I succeeded, almost every time. Content is irrelevant. Not because what you say doesn’t matter – it does – but compared to how you say it – it doesn’t.

The thing that you don’t realize is this: THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER REALLY LEARN THE INTUITIVE SIDE OF GAME IS BY DOING IT. No one can actually teach you this part, the only thing we can do is show you the way. But the actual learning takes place on a level of instinct – not intellect – something you can only gain from experience. You must learn game by gaming.

Unfortunately, what we have in this internet community of screen and text is far too much emphasis on the mechanical side, on what can be communicated through forums and ebooks, and far too little on the intuitive side. At least 80% of the dating game falls on the intuitive side. But you don’t get that. You are still trying to use rational analysis to understand an irrational process. Largely, why you are still struggling. So you reject what doesn’t make sense, and if it doesn’t make sense you don’t like it.

It is not enough to be intelligent…

From an article on the book Social Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman.

The rules of the game have changed…Among the cognoscenti is the nurse who can instantly comfort with a touch on the arm, the soldier who can be captured by insurgents and released with an apology, the diplomat who can defuse tensions with a well-placed word. And what happens to the socially dumb? They populate the ranks of unhappy spouses, inadequate parents, unfulfilled employees and loners.

You want it to make sense so badly b/c you mistakenly believe that what makes you successful in your technical career, will make you successful with women. But THIS game doesn’t doesn’t work that way. Sex doesn’t work that way. Think about it from the flip side, a girl doesn’t think herself into being attracted to a guy. That’s just not how it works. The second you stop trying to make it make sense is the second you will know what this is truly all about.

Then you have different people dispensing different advice about the same thing and for the novice, it can all get very very confusing. So confusing, that he sits on his ass being confused and doing nothing. At which point this whole thing becomes a fucking circus. Yeeaaah, the POOOAH circus! Wooohooo! A community of men who you would assume want to improve their dating lives, but actually prefer to be entertained by “infield footage” instead of going out and doing it themselves. Like this is some kind of fictional movie. Don’t get me wrong, I like to watch that shit too, but I watch it as a supplement — not a substitute.

Guys, wake up and smell the fucking seamen — this is not a spectator sport! Do you even like girls? if you are confused in that regard, this is not the place to figure it out. This is not a therapist’s office, and it is not entertainment. THIS IS ABOUT WOMEN. Yes, those beautiful curvaceous creatures that are soft and smell nice and love and need sex just like you do. So stop reading and go talk to one.

Time for another Q&A: Questions and ACTIONS. Ready, aim, shoot!

I met this girl today after a class. We talked, joked around, and parted ways smiling. Next time I’ll get coffee with her after class, or get her number and do it another time. When we get coffee, we’ll have a great conversation, get comfortable, and then hug each other goodbye.

I know this will happen because this is what always happens; it happened with a girl I met last week- we exchanged numbers, texted, met for coffee, and had a great conversation for an hour and a half.

I need some guidance. I’m really not sure what to do next in this situation I keep finding myself in. I have the skills to approach reasonably well and get along with girls right off the bat. I’d love to move to having casual sex, and maybe date some of these girls I meet. This isn’t happening and I suspect I’m just fucking up something basic here.

What do I do after this first coffee date? How does that transition to me being 1-on-1 with them at night?? I literally do not know what the next move is.

Should I ditch the whole coffee&conversation approach and start with a different first date?

I don’t even know what questions to ask!

Please ask me the obvious questions. Ask me the tough questions. Challenge my shit. I wanna mix this up.

Thanks!

Hey bro -

Love your attitude. That alone can get you laid.

Re: your sexless overly comfortable dates.

Suggestions:

-Stop meeting up for coffee. It’s lame dull and boring. I don’t think I have ever met up with a girl for coffee. Maybe once. But then again, if you enjoy it, ignore this. The point is not what you do with her, it’s how you feel about it. Start thinking outside the box man. Show her YOUR world. Look at the dynamic you are setting up. Coffee is something you do with old friends to catch up and discuss shit. Fuck that. Bring the party. Start choosing activities that express something about who you are.

-Less is more. 1.5 hours on a first date is tooooo much in my opinion. Give her 45 min or less. Interactions with women fizzle out when they’ve seen everything there is to see, or you give them the impression they have. Where is the excitement? Where is the anticipation? Say less, do more. Then leave. Then wash, rinse, repeat. This will build sexual tension.

So I went out this past Saturday in SF. Hit up this new spot in SOMA for a friend’s birthday. We had bottle service. It was cool. Had a few drinks. Talked to a few girls. Nothing too impressive.

Closing time.

We go outside and I see this HOTTIE with 3 of her friends sitting down on the curb. I roll up and make out with the hottie, just for the fuck of it. Don’t know what I was thinking, now that I think about it, I wasn’t really thinking at all. It was awesome. Plus 2 of my buddies witnessed the who thing, which felt good on my already inflated ego. I walk away smiling as we exit the scene.

Then I realize, I have my camera in my pocket. Thinking it would be fun to document this, I tell one of the boys to film, go back in, and do it again.

youtube link

I did not try to make myself look cool or smart or powerful or attractive or anything. I wasn’t really “trying” to do anything, there was no real skill involved. I just rolled up with the right attitude and DID IT. That was all.

You think it’s hard, but I make it look easy. What you don’t realize is this: the only reason it is hard for you is because you don’t do it.

In other words…

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.” -Seneca.

Word.

-Keen

Today’s post is about a follow up question I received the other day about the last post on “reactivation”. To me a champ is one who instead of just thinking about shit — actually does it — and this guy is that. So props to him.  Rock on.

hey dood,

thanks for the email.

i love it when champs like you actually EXECUTE this stuff. no, this is not a circle-jerk and I can tell you get that. application>>success.

followup after the text? get her on the phone. you need emotional call-back if you want to pick up where you left off. then just do some light rapport and end the call. don’t worry if you didn’t call her right away, that might even be better. now, if she is a girl you never met up with, i would really recommend NOT trying to meetup right away (unless she suggests it). you want to first get consistent positive emotions, then pounce.

hope that helps bud…

do keep me updated.

I just got back to San Francisco after being out of the country for the past 14 months. So I’m going through my phone and find like 2,000 contacts, many of which are hot girls. OK, initiate: Project Unfinished Business.

But how? I tried a few different “reactivate” approaches (calling, email, facebook, text), and found text to be the best.

Was experimenting with different permutations, stumbled on one that worked superbly and thought I’d share…

“Excuse me but um…is this [girl's name]?”

And I have tested this 9 times now, flawlessly. After one of my attempts, this Asian cutie (from 16 months ago) even picked up the phone and called me.

So, basically this one is money. Tested and effective.

Enjoy =)

Nothing has helped my dating life more than focusing on developing the right mindset. With your head in the right place the question I get oh-so-often of “what do I do?” answers itself. And nothing has ever given me a better understanding of what this is really about then the book Zen Mind, Beginners mind. So instead of me trying to give you his take, I’ll just bring you straight to the source. Read this, implement, apply, and witness reality-shattering results.

http://la.gg/upl/Shunryu_Suzuki_-_Zen_mind,_beginner_s_mind.pdf

Enjoy =)

Jeffries says the last thing you want to be thinking about when you approach is bedding the girl. Of course that’s the only thing I’m thinking about when the girl I’m approaching is really attractive to me.

So….how to calm one’s lust enough to be able to focus on her feelings instead of my own and improve my chances of success?

——-
My response
——–

This is a great question and one I have been thinking about lately. What I think Ross was getting at was the fact that it is difficult to create rapport with an object. If instead, you see her as a person — that you want to fuck, it will be much easier to connect with her (physically, or otherwise).

Regardless of who you are or how you do things, masculine desire is where all your power comes from in this game. But it must be directed in the right way for it to work.